We spent pretty much the whole day yesterday with Mr. Pujol working on something sweet for you buddy-bads. We’ll drop it on you guys sometime soon along with something else pretty killer. Until then, you can catch Pujol [along with Natural Child, Heavy Cream, Cy Barkley, and Austin’s Strange Boys] at Glenn Danzig’s House tomorrow night! Shred it!

Shreditorial 11
Heady Metal Jester’s Fancy Layered Biscuit

What shreds? This default intro question? Not yet; We haven’t reached a point of rampant referential optical allusion, YET. But what does shred, is a theory developed proposing that people are like fancy biscuits. This theory, easily traced back to Freud and Pillsbury, was developed by Heady Metal Jester in 42069 AC. Me here at the Shred lifted up Zack’s shirt to ask the Jester a few questions.
“Hello, Dr. Jester, me’re here from Nashville’s Dead Shreditorial and me’d like to ask you to explain your Fancy Biscuit theory of behavioral sikecology.”
“Please, don’t call me doctor; Pharaoh is fine.”
“What about Dr. Pharaoh?”
“No, that is just the compromised opposite of what I want.”
“Whatever. Tell’em bout your biscuits.”
“Fine. I propose that an individual is like a fancy biscuit composed of layers. When beginning to know someone, there are superficial layers of the personality that insulate and protect the consciousness and identity from the outside world. These are bad habits, loops, ticks, fleas, pay by the pound body lichens, etc. I refer to this superficial layer of the personality as the Hard Brown Part. There are three ways to pass through Browntown: by embracing the superficial to get closer to the person, being a dick about it, or capitalizing off an insecurity, which I refer to as “Poking Your Finger Through The Crust So The Steam Comes Out” in my latest work Half Skeleton, Half Jester, All Demon: My Quantitative Analysis of Texan Border Brothels.”
“But why work through the layers? What’s even past the layers. It seems like it would be nothing. Is there even a center to a biscuit?”
“Well, my inconsistent and confusing analogy refers to this allusive center as the Butter Crystals, which once “baked” (or the personality has took some heat), these Butter Crystals melt and permeate throughout the whole feathery apparatus. There is no center, or pure expression of a person, there are only permeations of the individual’s buttery essence throughout their fancy biscuit. This is why the embrace of the layers is important, because once having been embraced, traces of butter become more apparent in a way that can only be recognized by practice and taste.”
“So, you’re basically saying that differences are only skin deep, but you’re pretending that people are biscuits with blood-butter?”
“Not really. I’m suggesting that all of person is permeated throughout every small, superficial thing they do. All of that person is always there, and you’re watching how they do the thing. Regardless of whether you like it or not, a superficial tick or expression, might be the Jenga piece that allows them to make you happy in another way. So just be nice and patient, you can’t be right about the inside of someone else’s mind, just yours, maybe. Just think or ask before you pull that piece, there’s only so much fun to have alone, so why even try to win against a witness to yourself?”
“But Pharaoh, what if I let my people go?”

Body Moving Body-Body Moving,

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  1. Sophie says:

    This is my favorite shreditorial so far. I want some butter.

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