Is this not the best thing that’s ever happened to the Internerts? We’re pretty positive it is. Seth’s journalistic stylings have kind of just gotten rid of the bar, ya know? It’s like there’s a new standard, and we don’t wanna bother reading anything that isn’t up to par with what Seth’s doing.  I mean, we’ll keep reading all the dumb stuff… but this is best.

Lost …. seriously
“The Substitute”

I’m glad they start with this previously on Lost stuff, because I can’t remember any of this. Something crazy happened with a dust storm made out of a person that comes into the temple and beats people up? What? I know I should recognize that scene but… still, all I can think of is The Mummy Returns. Also, who’s the old guy with the scar? He seems like a real bastard, yet I’m kind of rooting for him. Probably because we share the same disappointment in the cast of Lost. Looks like he used to be in a wheelchair, and now he’s kicking some guy named Richard’s ass- so he’s got overcoming adversity going for him as well. Hey remember how I thought the airport was in New York? turns out its LA- but I’m pretty sure that disgruntled guy must have been visiting from NYC.

So, anyway, here we are back in the suburbs (not the ones on the island) watching this mysterious old guy have a stroke of bad luck akin to what one might see in a Chevy Chase movie. His wheel chair ramp in his van fails causing him to fall out of his chair onto his lawn, then the automatic sprinklers turn on. Hey, finally some real comic relief, right? Good thing too, because the next shot is the old guy in the bath tub contemplating fabric samples. Hey, I thought we had a rapport going, guy! To make matters worse, it turns out he’s planning some kind of big elaborate wedding, jeesh… Aren’t you a little old for that kind of behavior? Anyway, I’m going to stop here and do a little forecasting using the context clues at hand. So Old Guy met, by chance, a spinal surgeon and he and his wife talk about whether or not destiny caused this encounter and we end with a shot of him considering seeing the surgeon. Seeing that he’s old and ignoring the fact that he’s probably been paraplegic for a while and ignoring the fact that he’s getting married and starting a new life, I think the surgeon will give him a radical new treatment that allows him to watch, but curses him with an evil heart and the ability to morph into a fog-beast.

OK, looking at my above prediction and finding it to be plausible in the context of the most popular show on television has bummed me out. I’m going to take a break and watch Seinfeld for a little bit.

Man, George is a riot. I mean the keys locked in the car at Shea Stadium isn’t my favorite episode or anything, but it has lifted my spirits. Makes me wish we still had payphones in this city so I could bang the receiver against the wall on somebody now and then.

On the island Old Guy caught his foe, Richard, in a net, then back on the real world he’s sitting in a cubicle at probably a menial job. Are there really work environments like this? I’ve never seen one up close. So his crappy little boss fires him for not attending conference events when he’s in Australia, then it’s back to the island where he says, “Richard, I’m sorry I hit you in the throat and dragged you off the island, but I had to do something,” in a very apologetic tone and this gets a huge laugh out of me. OK, Old Guy, you and me- we’re back on track.

But then we’re not. Turns out this isn’t actually the guy it looks like it is, but someone else and our friend Robert more or less understands what is going on and I, myself, am totally LOST. Something about candidates and not keeping each other in the dark and promises to tell everything and I’m not going with you, blah blah blah I’ve heard it. Don’t care. For the next several minutes characters just do their normal Lost stuff and recap events and I have trouble paying attention. Someone is listening to The Stooges, that doesn’t really make me feel any better about the show.

It looks like Impostor Old Guy is trying to round up the cast so he can answer for the audience why they’re all there and what the show is about and stuff. Seeing as this is episode four, I’m guessing we’ve got a good 18 or 20 weeks of chasing the ghost to do, though. Hm… back to the guy getting fired; turns out the fat guy owns the company Old Guy works for. meh. I’m bored.

Hey, this island is a real multicultural rainbow, anybody else notice that? Is that a progressive casting move or a marketing ploy to make the show appeal to a wider audience? Any thoughts?

they’re recapping Steinbeck, pulling guns…talking about temples, burying people… believing in miracles… climbing ladders down cliffs.

Hey something finally happened. There are a bunch of names scribbled onto the walls of a cave, many of them scratched out. My guess is it’s some kind of hit list? No, it’s a list that somebody named Jacob made… something about protecting the island, I don’t know, I don’t really feel like getting into it. Let’s just see what happens next week

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