LISTMAS

Have we mentioned lately how much we love The Looking Glass? No? Well, we love them alot. In the few months that they’ve been around, they’ve managed to find a pretty devoted crowd and we’re glad to be a part of that. Walker and Peter and the boys more than satisfy our 60s-psych-pop needs. Seriously, we’ve heard some of the recordings they’ve been working on and this shit sounds like it’s straight off of Nuggets or something. They’re playing a show Dec. 23 on Acklen Ave at Peter’s House with Gnarwhal and Daniel Pujol, so go check it out and give yourself a mind ride. Before you do that though, read about their favorite snacks. We’ve gotta say, the boys have got this shit on lock.

The Looking Glass at the HEAVY DAYS release show. Photo by Bekah Cope

The Looking Glass at the HEAVY DAYS release show. Photo by Bekah Cope

Top 10 Snack Cakes
The Looking Glass

We’ve attempted to encompass all walks of snack cake life and give fair consideration to each snack cake brand, but we’re not going to lie: Hostess and Little Debbie are ten times better than any of the other bullshit knock-off snack cake brands that parasitically populate every gas station (Drake’s, Entenmann’s, Tastykake, Dolly Madison, etc…). Especially those weird Mexican BIMBO brand snack cakes they sell at Circle K. We’ve never tried them and never will. It’s not like we have to tell you that Hostess and Little Debbie are the originals and the best. Anyways, let’s get down to it. This list is in order:

1. Zebra Cakes (Little Debbie): Best snack cake. Hands down. It’s an absolute classic. It’s like a timeless record; you listened to it a thousand times when you first discovered it, got slightly turned off from overuse, then rediscovered it later with a profound appreciation for it. But this record was packed in your lunchbox every Friday in second grade. First of all, the appearance is as inviting as any snack cake we’ve ever encountered. The edges of each hexagonal cake are perfectly crisp with white icing. There’s that little crust of icing that you always go for first and it kind of comes apart in a stick of sugar. This is especially prominent on the oversized individually-wrapped gas station Zebra Cakes. The real deciding factor here is the taste. It’s magnificent but totally indescribable. We’re relying on the assumption that everyone ever has tasted a Zebra Cake and knows what we’re talking about. If you haven’t, you’ve never been a child. This cake is so great that Little Debbie actually recycles the concept for special seasonal cakes (Be My Valentine Cakes, Easter Basket Cakes, Stars & Stripes Cakes, Fall Party Cakes) all of which feature the trademark geometric prism covered in stiff icing – they’re just colored differently and topped with festive things. Also be on the lookout for Chocolate (inside out with white stripes!) and Orange Zebra Cakes. Yes, you heard right. Orange. They have orange stripes and orange creme inside! Where are they? I don’t know where they’re keeping them or why they’re a secret!! Notable knock-offs: Are you kidding? Nobody would dare copy Zebra Cakes! They would get they’re ass sued!

2. CupCakes (Hostess): This is also a classic. It didn’t make the number one cut, but it’s pretty close. These are the kind with the white squiggle on top. When fresh and properly moist, the CupCake is very rewarding, albeit hefty and a bit of a commitment. The fudge top pops off to reveal a tunnel of cream in the center. It’s awesome. And sometimes if you’re lucky the entire white squiggle will come off and you can eat that first. Most of the time you can only eat one, maybe two, when you could have eaten four Zebra Cakes, but that doesn’t stop it from placing second in this list. Plus, they’ve been around for forever, right? They were probably the first snack cake ever. Notable knock-offs: Drake’s Yankee Doodles, TastyKake’s Cream Filled Chocolate Cupcakes, and Little Debbie’s Chocolate Cupcakes. They all suck ass.

3. Donut Sticks (Little Debbie): This is what Levon Helm is talking about in “Up On Cripple Creek.” But the real beauty of it is, they don’t have to be dipped in tea. Or coffee. They’re a magnificent snack cake by themselves. They are indeed engineered to be dunkable, and this is an utterly brilliant innovation. How else would you get a whole damn donut in a mug of coffee? You would have to eat half of the donut just to make it skinny enough to fit in there, and then you would have eaten half of your donut! – UNsaturated in coffee!! Little Debbie saw this flaw and decided to remedy the situation with her snack cake expertise. Thus, the Donut Stick. You can eat quite a few at a time, and they’re almost better than actual donuts. Also, Little Debbie just put out Blueberry Donut Sticks which rule. Notable knock-offs: Drake’s Coffee Cakes and Hostess’s Streusel Cakes. They blow goats.

4. Oatmeal Creme Pies (Little Debbie): These things are pretty intense. It’s like solid cream between two chewy, thick oatmealy cookies. You can maybe pull off two if you’re starving, but one is usually the limit. They’re great if you don’t eat enough to make you sick. They’re so sugary that your fingers are greasy by the time you’re done with one of them – that’s how you know they’re good. One of them is enough to rank this snack cake at number three, but more than one makes you kind of understand the logic in bulimia. However, this a fantastic snack and among the most comforting sights on the wire rack of snack cakes at Circle K. Notable Knock-offs: None encountered so far, but I’m sure they would suck.

5. Star Crunch Cosmic Snacks (Little Debbie): These are not exactly cakes but fall in the same umbrella category as the others in the list. You can eat a bunch of them. They’re like little rice crispies covered in chocolate, and they’re chewy and delicious. There’s always a nice smooth texture on the bottom where it’s been sitting on a conveyor belt. Notable knock-offs: No way

6. Ho Hos (Hostess): These are pretty good. They’re kind of generic chocolate-and-cream cakes, but they’re unique shape is sweet and you can eat way more of them than of their CupCake counterpart. They’re pretty similar to Hostess’s Ding Dongs, and we’re pretty sure they’re made out of the exact same stuff. They’re pretty good too, but they’re boring shapes. Because of competitors’ off-brand knock-offs, Hostess has attempted to refurbish the Ho Ho, adding caramel filling and even chopped peanuts. How low can you go? We’re talking about the original Ho Hos here. Those suck. Notable knock-offs: Little Debbie’s Swiss Cake Rolls. These things are exactly the same! Actually, they might have been the original and Ho Hos could have been the knock offs, but Ho Hos sound cooler. Also, Drake’s Yodels. DRAKE SUCKS IT! WHO IS HE?!

7. Mini Muffins (Hostess): They’re awesome, they don’t get squished in the package, and you can eat a thousand of them. In fact, that is a reason why they’re number seven: You can never get enough, and they don’t put enough in each package so you feel like a mega fatty when you eat like five bags of them. The blueberry kind are the best. Notable knock-offs: Entenmann’s Little Bites and BIMBO Mini Mantecadas (who would eat those anyway?)

8. Moon Pies: These are great but they’re pretty dry. With milk they kick so much ass. Notable knock-offs: Nobody would dare.

9. Cosmic Brownies (Little Debbie): These are almost as intense as Oatmeal Creme Pies, but nowhere near as good. They’re small, but it’s totally solid fudge. They’re pretty heavy. The colored crunchies on top are pretty sweet though. Little Debbie also uses this design for her Fall Brownies and Stars & Stripes Frosted Brownies which are just as good. Notable knock-offs: You can’t get more cosmic.

10. Pecan Spinwheels (Little Debbie): These are good. Just good. They’re not bad, but they’re no Donut Sticks. They do beat out the plethora of other snack cakes for the number ten spot, and deservedly so. The best part about these is that you can unroll them and have one long strip of pecan cake to eat. Notable knock-offs: Tastykake’s Cream Filled Koffee Kake Cupcakes come pretty close. So do Hostess’s Streusel Cakes. Both of those knock-offs eat major bush.

Notice we left out the Twinkie. That’s because they’re too spongy!

The boys are going out on a short tour with Gnarwhal soon so be sure to go and see them both on Dec. 23rd at Peter’s House on Acklen Ave [3107 Acklen Ave] And, to The Looking Glass, please finish up those recordings soon. We can’t get enough of what we’ve heard and apparently it’s only like halfway done.

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  1. Dillon says:

    These are my kind of people!

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